How real am "I"?

Over coffee today my friend Paddy remarked that my inner journey is getting more and more interesting. Well, interesting I agree but baffling would be more apt. I’m sure Shakt-i and VVV would readily agree with me.

VVV, my speck sponge square pants wants to know if the “I” really exist? If it does, where is the ‘I’?

VVV, your question is very intriguing. My Swamiji says (and he is quoting from spiritual scriptures) in reality ONLY the “I” exist. Well, if “I” is the only entity in existence, then obviously it is every where. “I” is omnipresent, all pervasive.

Swamiji elaborates on this point using the ocean and wave example. Ocean means a vast deep expanse of water. Due to wind, the surface of the ocean gets disturbed and it gives rise to waves. Is the wave separate from the ocean? The ocean has no other content than water; similarly the wave is also the same water, nothing else. The apparent nature of the ocean and wave is different but the real nature is the same.

Here’s another example given by Swamiji. I can look at a bracelet, earring or anklet and see the external differences. One is worn on the wrist, another on the ears and the third on the ankle. The apparent nature of all three ornaments are totally different. But if these ornaments were melted down, their real nature is the same - just gold.

Likewise, each of us walk around having an apparent nature – one is known as Jivan, another as VVV, yet another as Shakti, one more as Suguna and the list is endless. But if all the Jivans and the VVVs and the Shakthis were melted down, their real nature is the same.......just "I"

Jivan, is merely one of the expressions of the “I” . Jivan’s ego is definitely not happy with this new turn of events.

Journey within continues……….walk with me.

Subject Vs Object (Uh!)

Today I thought of writing on Subject verses Object. I know you are going like…uh! Believe it or not, linguistic plays an important role in this inner journey of mine.

Let’s look at this sentence: “Jivan drives a Ferrari” Which is the subject and which is the object? Ummm…I should have paid more attention during my English lessons. The term subject refers to perceiver/observer/owner, while the term object refers to that which is perceived/ observed. So that would mean, Ferrari is the object and Jivan the subject….Did I get that right? Applause! Applause!

I’m trying to get the hang of this so bear with me while I look at some more examples:

1) “My body is aching” – My Body is an object

2) “My mind is agitated” – My Mind too is an object

3) “I’m not thinking straight today. My intelligence level is similar to that of a 3 year old”. – Hmm, my intelligence is also an object

So like my Ferrari; my body, mind and intelligence are objects as well. Swamiji refers to the mind and intelligence as inner objects but objects nevertheless. So in conclusion, the Subject is distinctively different from the object. Imagine if I said, Jivan is a black Ferrari, sounds absurd right? Jivan is distinctively different from his Ferrari.

Likewise if I were to make this statement, “I have grown two inches taller”, this too is downright absurd. “I” have not grown taller but my body is now two inches taller. “I” am distinctively different from my body.

Swamiji says the “I” remains constant. Swamiji’s reasoning is “In order to say, I was a boy, but now I am a youth”, there must be an entity that is observing or witnessing the change. That entity is the “I”. The “I” was there at birth, it watched the body grow into childhood, adulthood and finally old-age. The “I” at birth is the same as the ‘I” in old-age. The “I” is changeless. The “I” in us is the base of our personality.

So, the only subject who exists is the “I” and everything else in the world is an object. What!? I’m only a platform for all these objects arrrghhh…….… Need a breather!!!!

Will be back to witness this journey……….walk with me.

My Gurudev

Today’s blog is on my Gurudev – Swami Bhoomananda Tirtha. Swamiji just turned 75 on 13th May 2008. Swamiji is from Kerala (located at the southern tip of India). He was just a young lad of twenty when his inner being was kindled by Baba Gangadhara Paramahamsa, a great Saint from Dakshinkhanda a village in West Bengal. Soon after, Swamiji dedicated his entire life to pursue this inner journey thru Brahmavidya (using knowledge to find ourselves). He embraced the ascetic life at the early age of twenty three.

Here are some photos of my Gurudev.

Hmm… what was I doing at 23? Never mind, we’ll not even go there. In my journey to discover the self, I have realised the importance of good guidance. Each of us has a different mental makeup and as such, the guidance must cater to our mental constitution. I like everything to be clear, logical and rational. If you tell me to sit down at dusk and soak my feet in salt water or burn paper while doing some hand gestures, these would not settle well with me. Mind you, I’ve done all these before. But thank god for my inquisitive mind that kept probing and pushing me forward. And that’s why I find Swamiji’s approach appealing because it’s fused with logic and reasoning, without any mumbo-jumbo. You will not find faith-healing, miracle cures or its likes with Swamiji.

Have you ever hummed ‘AUM’ before? Especially the ending syllable ‘M”. Listen to a 1 min video clip by Swamiji on AUM.

My journey within continues.......walk with me.

MIA

I had not attended to my blog for sometime. Although I had wanted to put my thoughts down but time was just not in my favour. You know how life has a way of diverting your attention to more ‘important matters’ and keeping you captivated with its antics. Ah! Such relieve to place the blame solely on worldly activities while absolving myself of all responsibilities.

Such a well tested excuse – busy with work, meetings, deadlines, family commitments; well just plain busy. I want to share with you what My Gurudev (more details on Swamiji later) had told me. He had asked ‘Are you sitting down regularly for meditation?’ I replied rather sheepishly “No Swamiji, I have been very busy lately” Swamiji’s reply was (forgot his exact words but I will give the gist of it) do you ever forget to take food or bathe or sleep? We never forget to do these things because they are top on our priority list. I realised that if I had given importance to sitting in silence for meditation, then come hell or high waters, I would have done the needful.

So that’s my long story (short excuse) for halting for a bit on this inner journey. I need to constantly remind myself that this inner journey is THE most important thing that requires my undivided attention. Still, the world continues to amuse, attract and mesmerise me………Wanting to look within but still enticed by the world outside.

As my journey within continues, importance of prioritising on what is really important becomes clear…………..walk with me.

Seeking Guidance

During my trip to India last year, I had stopped over at Tiruvannamalai – home of the sacred Arunachala Hill. I had always wanted to walk up Arunchala and I got to do exactly that during this trip.

I had made enquiries at the foot-hill and someone told me that it would take only between 20 to 30 minutes to reach my destination. So, there I was walking up rough terrains, all by myself without any shoes. I thought, after all it’s only 30 minutes away and if I do brisk walk, I’ll arrive in ten. After the first 10 or 20 minutes, I was absolutely convinced that I was lost. Contemplated turning back at one point. However, I stuck on which was a good thing because I met a couple of people who were returning from where I wanted to go and they gave me directions.

Anyway, I arrived there after a good one hour of brisk walk. Having reached up there, I realised that it was worth my every breathless gasp and every bruise on my feet. The peace and quietness of that place embraced me so completely, permeating the inner reaches of my being. Ah! Such bliss. Why am I telling you all this? Even for a simple journey of one hour I needed to be guided………how much more guidance would I require for an inner journey. I’m quite convinced that a solo trip up Mount Everest would have been a walk in the park compared to this inner journey that I’ve embarked on.

As my journey within continues, I will now walk holding on firmly to my Guide, my Guru……walk with me.
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Thank you for all those thought provoking comments, people. Brindha, on whether atoms can disintegrate completely, I honestly don’t know but Heisenberg apparently thought so and that guy did win a Nobel Prize.

VVV, my speck of light….hmm, uh, umm....... your promise of more scary stuffs in the future…….uh-oh! More scary then your white light, can’t imagine-da.

Suguna, will try not to get snarled by big bad Maya. I see your point but please bear with me. Travelling within and hoping to arrive.

Am I the Energy?

Brindha had posted a comment on my blog today. The first thought that came to mind while reading her posting was WOW! Brindha, it is a brilliant piece and so well written. By the way, Brindha is a brilliant – which I’m sure you had guessed after reading her comments – teenager. She had sent me an SMS this morning on how much she liked my blog. Thank you, Brindha.

Brindha made an interesting observation that, we might just be another form of energy. So on the list of electrical, chemical, kinetic, mechanical, heat and potential energy; Brindha says, we might be an undiscovered/unexplored energy - she calls it Jivan Energy:-) Brindha is nudging me forward on my journey within with this new proposition – I am the Energy.

Let’s analyse this using electricity. We know electricity is formed when electrons move between atoms…is that right? (trying to jog my memory on what my science teacher had said back then). Anyway, the human body is also made up of protons, neutrons and electrons; and these electrons moving between atoms should produce energy. So, I produce energy but am I the energy itself?

I was attending a study circle – more on this latter – a couple of weeks back and my friend, Krish had mentioned about the Heisenberg Principle. Heisenberg won the noble prize in physics in 1932. Heisenberg says that an atom consists of protons, neutrons and electrons; and breaking it down further will reveal subatomic particles. However, ultimately a point is reached where the atom cannot be broken down any further. What becomes of the atom? According to Heisenberg, nothing will remain of the atoms but the observer becomes part of the observed system. Simply put, even when the atoms are no more, “I” will still be there observing the experiment.

My point is in order to create energy you must have atoms. But atoms can be broken down into nothingness. No atoms = No energy…….So, it looks like the latest proposition – I am the energy – also goes out the window.

So I am neither matter nor energy. Ummm……. still searching for that elusive self.

My journey within continues……walk with me.

Waiting to be discovered

This inner excursion of mine thus far, with its logic and reasoning has practically negated my entire existence. It's definitely not helping my ego. I’ve been pinching myself every now and then – ouch – just to confirm that I’m real or at least my body is real.

Well, I know that I’m not this body and I’m not this mind; that’s two down and one to go. Which brings me to my next proposition – I am the intelligence.

Intelligence is the reasoning faculty within us. Do I have any-ah? Got-la, a little bit at least : –) Have I not been using logic in trying to figure out ‘who am I’. That at least indicates I’ve some intelligence within me. But the more pertinent question is – Am I the intelligence?

We have heard of people getting really angry and reacting violently; and how would they justify their actions? An insanity plea – it was a moment of sheer madness would be their convincing answer. What actually happens at that moment of madness? Intelligence must have forsaken them. They had lost their power of reasoning. Which brings me back to my question of “Am I the intelligence”. The answer is a resounding NO!

To answer the $60 million dollar question of “Who am I”

“I” must be something which:

• cannot be replaced (unlike my body parts)
• should exist at all times, even when I am sleeping (unlike my mind)
• would not do a disappearing act (unlike my intelligence)

Now, I know that I am not the body or the mind nor the intelligence. I know what I’m NOT, so what or who am I? I had embarked on a journey to find myself but I now stand before you not even existing!

Ummm.....maybe “I” am still waiting to be discovered.

My journey within continues…..walk with me.